Coffee Chat #1

I just made coffee. Grab a cup. Have a seat. Let’s talk.    

We’ve been getting to know each other for a while now. Wait, no. That’s the problem. Actually, I just drone on and on about myself. That would be fine if I were remotely interesting, but I’m not. The thing is, I happen to know a lot of you out there are. I also know from personal interactions and the private comments you’ve sent that you even relate to some of the posts.

So please, this is me, asking you, to make yourselves known. I love getting your private comments. I love talking to you. Now, it’s your turn to talk back.

Please post something about yourself. Anything. Funny. Serious. Completely random.

I feel like we always talk about me.

Since it is my blog, I’ll start. You already know more than you want to, but here are some extra tidbits.

1.       I’m deathly afraid of spiders. I’m so afraid of spiders that I can’t even kill spiders. I can’t get close enough. I don’t like talking about spiders. I don’t like thinking about spiders. And I especially don’t like people who say “don’t worry, they won’t hurt you.” That’s right. They won’t. Because I won’t go within 10 feet of a spider. So unless it’s one of those weird rainforest leaping spiders or hyper-projectile vomit spiders, it won’t get close enough to hurt me. I even have a built-in spider radar that can detect them way before they detect me. It freaks people out. We’ll be talking and then I freeze. Two rooms over is a spider. They don’t see anything, but it’s there. Trust me. I have to go now. That’s how much I don’t like spiders. I may need help.

2.      My sunglasses were $5.99, but they look like they were at least $12.99. That’s value.

3.      I like food better in theory than in practice. Eating and preparing food is a nuisance. I’ll be first in line for the pill version. Cooking for me is adding a condiment to my instant mac & cheese. May I recommend horseradish sauce or spicy brown mustard to you heat lovers.  Avocado makes a great addition to grilled cheese. Chicken nuggets are more appealing from the oven than the microwave. I use an oven. See? I cook.

4.      I don’t like plants. I should say, I don’t like having plants. I actually like plants, which is why I don’t like when people give them to me. I kill them. I kill them dead no matter how hard I try not to. It’s like they sense fear. My earnestness is a poison to their little green souls. And it’s painful to watch the slow shriveled last breaths that inevitably make our plant-human relationship a tragic mistake. It’s too stressful. I’d rather have a Roman bust.

5.      Speaking of Roman busts, I’m a Rome-a-phile. I like anything about ancient Rome. Movies, books, art, anything. I read books about Rome for fun that make Latin 2 students cringe. Heck, I even took Latin 2 in high school as an elective. I have dozens of worthless Roman coins that I love just because they’re Roman. The thing is, I don’t even admire much about Rome. I’m just fascinated by it.

Ok, enough about me. Your turn. C’mon. Don’t leave me hanging. I already get enough spam from SEO reps telling me they can tell by the lack of comments I don’t have any friends. Yes, SEO rep. That’s a great strategy. Make me feel like a loser. That’ll win my business.