Product Review: Best Product Ever

My last product review was none too flattering if you don’t recall (completely useless outdoor fireplace). To prove that I’m not just an ornery consumer, it’s time for the positive.

I have no idea what this thing is called. I don’t know where you can get it. When I search on “toothpaste squeezer” a lot of pictures similar to the thing I have come up, so let’s call it that. Toothpaste Squeezer. If you have one of these cheap little plastic contraptions, you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t, your life is much more difficult than it needs to be.

You know that agonizing two week period toward the end of the life of your toothpaste tube? When you can see those bubbles of toothpaste taunting you from the corners of the container but know they’ve won. There’s no way you’re going to get them.  Your fingers bleed as you squeeze and push for five minutes to maybe squeeze out one more half speck that could only cover six teeth if you’re a light brusher. You know what I’m talking about.

You roll up the end to force it out. You slide the flattened tube along the edge of your sink. You do anything you can to get that very last drop. If you’re as obsessive as I am you imagine how satisfying it would be to slice open that pesky little prison of a tube and scrape out every last particle. But you don’t, because that would be insane, and you’re not insane. But you would, maybe, if no one would see the damning evidence in your bathroom trash can and there wasn’t a 90% chance you’d end up slicing your own finger open in the process. Never mind, you wouldn’t. Maybe.

Anyway, this little plastic toothpaste squeezer cuts that two week period down to a day or two. It’s awesome. Basically you slide the flattened edge of the tube between two plastic bars and apply heavy downward pressure on one of them. The ingenious little tool pushes the remaining toothpaste up to the opening making it easily accessible. It’s like gaining a free trial size tube of toothpaste out of the deal. (And maybe, just MAYBE justifies your fantasy about getting inside that annoying little tube to scrape out the rest. There was a lot still in there!)

With a toothpaste squeezer you don’t have to worry about any more wasted toothpaste or the fingertip numbing process of squeezing out those last drops for weeks on end.

It would also make a great stocking stuffer. Your relatives will probably think you’re strange, definitely cheap, possibly insane, but trust me, that’s just a temporary reaction. Once they use it they’ll love you and thank you for changing their lives.

Toothpaste squeezer. Just trust me on this.