Dear Dr. Fortune Cookie,
I had a first. I opened my fortune cookie, and imagine my surprise when it was empty! I looked around, but nothing fell out. My cookie was blank! I know it means something, but I'm not sure what. What do you think?
Thanks,
Empty
Dear Empty,
How scary for you. When a cookie goes silent, the world seems to stop for a moment. We're lost without those little slips of paper to help navigate through our complicated existences. I know your confused mind went to one of two places.
Are you a pessimist? Then you probably began visualizing your doomed life of emptiness. Put down your deposit for a nursing home now, my friend, because you're going to be sick and alone as those final years tick by. An optimist? The world is your oyster. Your destiny is in your hands! Go get 'em, tiger!
I won't blame you for either. The gods have a way of keeping experts like me employed with their ambiguity. We're human. We've made an art out of reading our bias and perspective into everything around us. Literally, in my case. It's normal. It's common. Unfortunately, it's still wrong.
See, the cookie isn't interested in your future happiness or despair. In fact, it isn't interested in you at all. The radio silence is because it's miffed.
Did you remember to tip the delivery guy? If so, it wasn't enough.
Sorry,
Dr. Fortune Cookie
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